New Moon Scrapbook
by Shattered Glass Keeps Falling
Summary: A collection of sad songfics that I wrote when I was sad about my story being over. New Moon based.
1. When You're Gone

Bella ran blindly through the forest until she unconsciously reached a painfully familiar place

Bella ran blindly through the forest, branches tearing her apart and snagging her clothes. It was rainy worse than ever. She carried on not caring until she unconsciously reached a painfully familiar place. She slowed to a walk. She stumbled at the recognition. Through her tears she could see its horribly white shape. A new round of tears came. She ran over to the ghostly house and peered into the window.

_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd need you there when I cried_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And I bet where you lie, has made up on your side,_

_When you walked away,_

_I count the steps that you take,_

'_Til you see how much I need you right now._

It was the living room that she could see; dust sheets covered the couches and all the furniture. Then she glanced at her blurred reflection. Her tearstained face, her running make-up, her ragged clothes from running through the forest, her tangled and messy hair. It was a sorry sight.

_When you're gone,_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you,_

_When you're gone,_

_The face I came to know is missing too,_

_When you're gone,_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day,_

_And make it ok,_

_I miss you._

'Why?' she whispered to the empty house. She placed her fist gently on the window and rested her forehead against it. Her tears mingled with the raindrops resting on the windows. She threw her other fist against the window and screamed in pain and frustration.

'Why didn't you promise?' she screamed, beating the enforced glass windows with her fists. She collapsed into tears on the dirty, muddy floor, not caring at all. She looked up at the rainclouds and raindrops pouring down and shouted in anguish and loss.

_I've never felt this way before,_

_Everything that I do,_

_Reminds me of you,_

_And the clothes that you left that lie on the floor,_

_And they smell just like you,_

_I love the things that you do,_

_When you walk away,_

_I count the steps that you take,_

'_Til you see how much I need you right now._

Bella cried out as she saw the headlights coming up the drive. She jumped up, hope filling her up…only to be dashed away as soon as she saw who is was. Charlie.

'No, no. What did I do wrong?' she shouted to the sky, she burst into more tears as her father ran out of the cruiser and hugged her. She pushed him away and ran around to the back of the house and through the back door, locking it behind her. She ran up the stairs and straight into the room she knew best.

She stumbled as soon as she entered the room. She was so used to seeing it full with CDs and the shock of the emptiness hit her hard. She gasped for breath, clutching her chest and fell to her knees, weak and breathless. She curled up and cried.

_When you're gone,_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you,_

_When you're gone,_

_The face I came to know is missing too,_

_When you're gone,_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day,_

_And make it ok,_

_I miss you._

Bella choked on air as her world spiralled into darkness but it was comforting. She pulled herself into a tight ball and hoped the world would let her go.

Soon it became night and Bella stood up. She wavered a little and swayed on her feet but made her way to the door frame. She leant against it and turned her head to look at the room again. Tear welled up in her eyes but she brushed them away. She walked slowly, dragging her feet, downstairs and lay on the dust sheet covering the couch.

All her memories of the house rushed past her eyes as she closed them.

_We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were  
Yeah Yeah_

And all I ever wanted it was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me  
Yeah

She awoke to the sun rising. She got up and wiped her face. A massive hole seemed to take up her chest and stomach. A hole that held her vital organs but some how they seemed to have disappeared. Her breaths were noticeably shallower and her eyes lifeless. A large part of her died when he left, part of her that might never recover. Her chest hurt, heart ache for a heart that didn't exist. She'd been torn in two and her life didn't matter to her anymore. He'd gone and he was her world. Her universe crashed down around her with every word he'd said to her in the forest. When he turned away her heart broke, forever it seemed.

She slowly let go of her life, her friends, her family, her school work. She died on the inside, asleep forever, never to wake.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you_


	2. Breathe No More

**The song is the last chapter was When You're Gone by Avril Lavinge.**

**This chapter is Breathe No More by Evanescence.**

Bella stared at herself in the mirror. She looked pale, close to death although she was very much alive. Her very heart and lungs had been ripped painfully from her when he left her. Everytime she thought his name, she gasped in obvious pain. Her world crashed around her as if he had been its supports. He had abandoned her alone in the forest saying that he didn't love her and would forget her. She sucked it in and was close to death right then.

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.  
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.  
Shards of me,  
To sharp to put back together._

Her form had become thin and frail as the days had passed. She hadn't eaten properly since then and slowly she'd lost contact with the outside world. Cutting herself off from her friends, slowly they stopped calling her. But she didn't care, she just lay in comatose. The life she once knew rushing around her in short sharp bursts of pain.

_To small to matter,  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.  
If I try to touch her,  
And I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe no more._

His every touch, his every kiss, his every smile. She knew them well but nothing compared to the pain she went through everytime she thought about them. Her breath caught in her throat as she recalled it. She could remember clearly her every moment with him and she couldn't compress them while in her catatonic state. It was her personal hell.

_  
_  
_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.  
Lie to me,  
Convince me that I've been sick forever.  
And all of this,  
Will make sense when I get better.  
I know the difference,  
Between myself and my reflection._

Her eyes didn't have their previous glint in anymore. She was dead on the inside and broken on the outside. Her father was very worried about her but she was oblivious. Her daily routine was simple, do as little as possible. She went to school and came home, made dinner, did her homework and then went to bed. Nothing else.

She was dying for him, her breath was for him. He was her life and he'd gone, taking her very heart with him. Leaving her alone and in acute pain.

Depression was kicking in and Bella was alone in her world, watching her universe dying around her. The destruction was heartbreaking, a girl so young but her heart broken so quickly and easily.

It is a sad lonely world out there.

_  
I just can't help but to wonder,  
Which of us do you love.  
So I bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe now...  
Bleed,  
I bleed,  
And I breathe,  
I breathe,  
I breathe-  
I breathe no more._


	3. My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here

**My Immortal- Evanescence**

His voice echoed around her head causing her to cry out in pain and anguish. He was telling her he didn't love her all over again. She curled herself into a ball as the tears came back and the pain shocked her again. Sobs wracked through her fragile form as she struggled to cling onto hope and life.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

She lay on the couch lazily. Her eyes closed as she wallowed in her endless misery. She needed him, she depended on him but he'd gone. She wasn't angry, no, she wasn't angry at all. She didn't have the headspace to be angry. She had been so filled with her sadness she wouldn't realise if you had set a bomb off beside her. Endless rivers of tears rolled down her red and puffy cheeks. Her heart would never heal.

_  
__These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

He had stolen her heart away with him, unintentionally. She had been left with an empty soulless body. One that could never remake itself and heal. Her mind was too far gone into depression by then. His family, that had become her family, had gone too. That had been the icing on the cake for her sanity.

__

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

His image still resided clearly in her mind but she knew he was gone, forever, still holding her heart. She couldn't cope with the emotion strain on her life. Her empty body did the things her mind couldn't even process. It moved without her even thinking it. Bella couldn't think straight, sometimes she couldn't even walk straight without breaking down into a sobbing mess on the floor.

__

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

She was losing interest in her own life, not to mention everyone else's. It was becoming too much for her and now she was hearing voices on top of it. There seemed to be two sides to her mind and then his voice on top of that. One of her voice was telling her to buck her ideas up and get over herself but the other was cruel and unforgiving to everyone. It was a battle of head against heart and although her heart was missing, it was winning the cruel contest.

__

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

_Crash and burn_, that part of her was telling herself. _Crash and burn_._**  
**_

_  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_


	4. Bring Me To Life

**Bring Me To Life- Evanescence**

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home_

No one knocked on her door. No one called her. No one talked to her. No one looked at her. She was invisible. Bella could hardly bring myself to get up in the morning. Bella knew she was doing the bare minimum to survive. Every morning her weight was dropping. Her bones began to peek out from beneath her skin. It was all because of him. His heart had grasped her own and stolen it from her, ripping open a wide hole in her soul.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

Without her heart she could not live. Without her life, she was dead. Severe depression had sunk in for her. Tears constantly lashed her and every night she would dream of that horrific moment when he had left her…in the forest…alone.

_Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life_

Her eyes gazed back at her, cold and lifeless, as she stared in the bathroom mirror. Her cheekbones were becoming more prominent as her weight plummeted. Her cheeks were also always puffy from her leaking eyes. She was trying her best to live but it was too late. She was too far gone. She was dead. Cold and pale. Unliving. Alone. In pain. Dead.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

It had been months since he had gone. Bella did nothing but sit at her window and watch the rain lash at her through the window. The marks on the window almost mirrored her own tear tracks. Every now and again she would see what she thought was a glimpse of him and the pain of her loss and her own death would hit her harder each time. She glanced out of the window seeing for the first time. She saw a silver Volvo pull up outside her house and a hand flew to her throat as she choked on air.

_Bring me to life  
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life_

_frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead_

Gasping and wide-eyed, Bella fell to the floor. Tears ran faster down her cheeks. The doorbell rang. She screamed as the gaping hole in her abdomen ripped open. It was as if a light had come and torn her stomach. She balled herself up on the floor and cried out as the pain hit her again as she heard voices. The pain was becoming too much for her. She cried out weakly once more as the pain faded from her fingertips.

_all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life_

She lay on her side, clutching her abdomen, for a long time. She was aware that time passed while she lay there. She felt the sun on her and disappear again while she stayed there. Bella didn't think she mattered anymore. She could feel that her life was of no importance. She wanted out with it all. She wanted death to consume her and burn up all her pain. She needed a distraction but nothing seemed to work with her. The pain just kept on rebounding inside her body.

_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_

Bella got up and ate. She showered and got dressed. That was as interesting as her morning life was. She glared at the bathroom mirror at her appearance. Not only would he never love her but no one else would either. She weighed herself and noted that she was three pounds lighter. She sighed and groaned as her stomach ached. She grabbed some Tylenol and a glass of water and went back to bed. She lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Her life passed before her eyes slowly. She no longer had a grasp of time and the winter vacation was torturing her. She couldn't think of anything but…him. Slowly her knowledge of him and his ways…drove her over the edge and down into the dark abyss.

_(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside  
(Bring me to life)_


	5. The Bleeding

**The Bleeding**

**I remember when all the games began  
Remember every little lie and every last goodbye  
Promises you broke, words you choked on  
And I never walked away,  
It's still a mystery to me**

It's been over a year now. Since you left me, cast me off, left me out in the woods to die. It's been over a year since you told me you didn't love me and turned away. I still ache with the pain, I still hear those words when I'm down, thick tendrils of fog reach into my mind and draw them from my hidden memories. You have no idea of the pain that you left me in. I pretty much ceased to exist after that; only doing the necessary things to stay alive, nothing more, nothing less.

Did you ever _truly_ love me?

Did you ever _want_ me?

**Well I'm so empty  
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me  
Well you're so unclean  
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me**

Soon it changed. Obviously the pain has never truly been erased but I've found things to fill the empty space you've left me with. That space that used to belong to my heart, until you cruelly stole it away. I realised that you only took away my humanity, filling my head with false messages; hideous subtleties that took away my discretion. You'd secretly moulded me into a mindless dependant girl; secretly brainwashed me into your slave. You treated me like a toy, picked up and discarded without a care in the world. I'd served my punishment. My only crime was devotion. I was killing myself inside.

Was I that _worthless_?

Was I too _human_?

**The lying, the bleeding, the screaming  
Was tearing me apart  
The hatred (deceiving), the beatings; it's over**

I filled my life with Jacob and my friends; people you'd led me into forgetting about when we were together. I realised how supportive and honoured I was to have such pleasant people surrounding me. It hurt me to realise I'd done what you did to me. I'd picked them up when I first arrived in this god forsaken town and then discarded them when you showed me any attention. However you'd taught me to not let anyone get close to me and soon I'd alienated nearly everyone. Thank you for that. Thank you so much. You must've known about how your looks brought anyone to their knees. You knew that you could make anyone do anything. You just used me to get what you wanted; used me to fuel your pathetic ego.

Were you trying to _ruin _my life?

Were you really that _shallow_?

**Paint the mirrors black to forget you  
I still picture your face and the way you used to taste  
Roses in a glass, dead and wilted  
To you this all was nothing  
Everything to you is nothing**

You must've have loved seeing me destroy my life because of you're doing. I bet that really made you feel big. I was just another mindless slave to you. Why didn't you let the stupid van crush me? Because you would've lost the slave you were grooming. You're just another worthless being, another user, another disgusting old man who liked to abuse his power and looks on those unsuspecting people. I really wasn't anything to you. The way you cast me aside proved that much. But I can't deny how I felt for you, I can't put aside my love for you, I can't get over you.

Why do I _still_ feel this way?

Why can't I get _over_ you?

**Well you're so filthy  
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me  
Well I'm so ugly  
You're better off without me and I'm better off alone**

You came back three weeks ago. It was a shock to me out of everyone. You hadn't changed a bit, not that I expected you to but still it scared me half out of my wits. Seeing you changed everything, I went back to the one who depended on you, rather than the independent woman I'd managed to slowly become. You came alone, none of your family were back but you evaded their remarks and questions. You didn't even look at me. You just carried on as normal. You were still too good for me. You didn't say a word to anyone. Still, I yearned for your touch, the whole in my soul ripped wide open and flared with intensity like no other. I could taste my heart in the air around him, that stench that clung to him but stayed as sweet and wholesome as any other. It killed me to see you so empty.

Why did you _return_?

Why do I still _need_ you near me?

**The lying, the bleeding, the screaming  
Was tearing me apart  
The hatred, the beatings (disaster); it's over**

Less than a week ago you collided with me. A first for an Adonis like you. I looked deep into your eyes, deep pools of onyx stared back at me. I stumbled back to the floor in shock at the hardness and closure of them. It was like you were looking but not seeing. You picked up your books and walked off, leaving me on the floor in shock. Slowly tears came to my eyes, you really hated me. I couldn't understand why you returned, you couldn't put a finger on your aloof nature. I wanted so desperately to crawl back into those stone arms and pretend nothing had ever happened. You stared at me in my lessons. When I tried to talk to you, you simply turned as if you hadn't heard me. You seemed so lost and hurt at times when you're guard was down; when you thought no one was looking, but you never noticed me.

What had I done _wrong_?

What could I do to _help _you?

**As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me  
You're the darkest burning star, you're my perfect disease**

Today, you came up to me; you pushed a piece of paper in my hand and closed my fingers around it gently. I stood rooted to the spot as you walked away without a glance. I couldn't blink, breathe or move. I felt a hand on my shoulder pushing me out of the way. I stumbled forward to the floor and let the paper fly from my grasp. The wind took hold of it and it blew into the air. I chased it suddenly waking from my reverie. It danced out into the grounds where it rested in the hand of its owner. I stared at you as you brought the paper to your face and read it. Then you balled it up and threw it in the bin. I gaped at you as you walked away. Again.

What had you _written _to me?

What was it I wasn't _allowed _to see?

**The lying, the bleeding, the screaming  
Was tearing me apart  
The hatred, the beatings; it's over  
Disaster  
The lying, the bleeding, the screaming  
Was tearing me apart  
The hatred, the beatings; it's over  
Disaster**

Just now you were in my house. The message was quickly forgotten. The time you left closed so easily. I wanted it so badly; I would've gladly died for it. Now I can reminisce on a time lost by none and a forever I would've spent in your arms. I can still smell you in the air, taste you on my lips, my hair is still ruffled from your touch, my body is stone cold, I feel the fire that breathes in my veins, the kiss you placed on my collarbone and the bite that you left on my neck.

**It's over now...**

* * *

The song I used for this story is The Bleeding- Five Finger Death Punch. You should check it out, it's amazing.

Please review.

Beth

xx


	6. Unholy Confessions

**"I'll try!" she said as he walked away,  
"Try not to lose you."  
Two vibrant hearts could change.  
Nothing tears the being more than deception,  
Unmasked fear.  
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.**

I can't believe I actually left you a year ago now. It seems like yesterday that I placed that kiss on your forehead and turned away…forever. I promised never to return to you. But I never said I wouldn't watch you. I saw what I did to you; it tortured me to see what I'd done to you. I'd broken a perfect angel. I lost the only thing that mattered that day, hoping that you'd move on and have a human life, a better life, one without supernatural interference. I would've have travelled to the ends of the earth for you, no matter what but you believed me. You swallowed my malicious lies. You believed I didn't want you at all. I can't fathom the sadness I caused you or the pain of the loss. All I know is it was killing me.

Why did you _believe _me so easily?

Why did you _doubt _my love?

**Nothing hurts my world,  
Just affects the ones around me.  
When sin's deep in my blood,  
You'll be the one to fall.**

I tried everything to try and stop thinking about you, to stop wanting to run back to you, to stop telling myself I'd done the wrong thing. However you lived inside my mind telling me to return, to come back, to hold you close. I tried to block out everyone, escaping my family to try and heal the pain. In the end all I could do was curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. I no longer thought of anything else but that I was doing it for you to have a human life; one you deserved and needed, one I couldn't give you. I never imagined I could feel this way about anyone. I never willed myself to feel this way about you. I couldn't stop myself. You just enchanted me in such a way that I'd never felt before that being ripped from you, especially of my own doing, was like having my heart ripped out and then the process of becoming a vampire starting again and never ending.

How could I _escape _the pain?

How could I _avoid _feeling like this?

**"I wish I could be the one,  
the one who won't care at all.  
But being the one on the stand,  
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.  
When time soaked with blood turns its back,  
I know it's hard to fall.  
Confided in me was your heart.  
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."**

As much as I told myself you were fine and doing the right thing, the more my mind doubted it. I told my family to leave you, as I'd told you they would but they were emotionally torn too. I'd destroyed many happy souls that day, I'd killed them too. Alice had lost her spark and Esme looked as though she'd lost a child; in reality she'd lost two. I never once thought of what I might have done to you, I expected you to move on as normal to become a happy normal adolescent with a true, pure life. I wasn't meant to know that was very far from the truth. You stole my heart the very day I first saw you, neither of us noticed it then but it was yours, yours to manipulate and control in whatever way you pleased.

Did you ever _think _of me?

Did you even _remember _me?

**Nothing will last in this life  
Our time is spent constructing,  
Now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.  
Constrict your hands around me,  
Squeeze till I cannot breathe,  
This air tastes dead inside me,  
Contribute to our plague.  
Break all your promises,  
Tear down this steadfast wall,  
Restraints are useless here,  
Tasting salvation's near.**

I wouldn't have done it to you then. I couldn't have damned an angel to this fate. Being a monster was hard enough to bear without changing another into one. I would have loved you still though, I've always loved you. Why did you want it so much? To be swayed from the perfect human course of life and death? I wasn't worth the bother. You should never have met me. I shouldn't even exist. Yet, I do, and in the human world as well. One where I should've never spoken to you, I should have left when you arrived and never returned. I should never have fallen the way I did. However I can't bear to regret meeting you, I can't bear to regret loving you. I do regret leaving you.

Can you ever _forgive _me?

Can you still _bear_ to see me?

**AH**

Nothing hurts my world,  
Just affects the ones around me  
When sin's deep in my blood,  
You'll be the one to fall.

In the end I had to come back; being away was killing me. I had to see you and when I did it hurt. You were empty alike me. Dying inside alike me. You were closer to damnation than I'd have ever believed. I'd damned you anyway, damned you to a sad, mournful life, filled with sorrow and pain. One that was worse than being a horrific monster. I couldn't bear to look at you, look at the pain I'd caused, look at the open soul empty with a hole in which your heart should've been. You were meant to be happy. I should have made sure you were happy and not some sad wreck of an angel, broken beyond belief. The way you still seemed to want me burned me. The way you glanced at me when no one was looking, the way you seemed to want to approach me. The pain of looking at you, being near you, was killing me. I couldn't bear to not see you though, even if the pain of coming back and seeing you like this was hard to bear too.

How could I have _made_ this happen?

How could you ever _forgive _me?

**"I wish I could be the one,  
the** **one who won't care at all  
But being the one on the stand,  
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.  
When time soaked with blood turns its back,  
I know it's hard to fall.  
Confided in me was your heart.  
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."**

I finally gained the courage to try and approach you. I couldn't hear your voice though; the sound would tear my soul apart. I pushed that let into your warm hand, feeling the blood pulsating inside made my mouth fill with venom. You stood rooted to the spot as I walked away. The voices in my head buzzed and then went silent, for once I felt alone in the world. It was like someone had pressed the off switch and I was in complete silent. I stood marvelling at the sound that for once in my life all was quiet. I saw you leave the building chasing a piece of paper. It landed in my hand. It was the one I'd given you. It suddenly struck me that you might not want me anymore. I was being selfish in coming back and wanting you more. You'd moved on and didn't care for me at all. I threw the paper in the bin and walked away. I'd leave you be now. The voices came back into my head. The silence was broken.

Did you _want _me back?

Did you _move _on?

**AH!!**

You're lying in my arms now. Silent yet contorted with pain. I press onto your forehead; you smile blindly up at me. Killing you isn't easy but it's what you wanted. I'll love you forever, never forget that. My angel. My love.

I decided to make a companion piece to my latest fic: The Bleeding. You should read that before you read this. This one is clearly from Edward's POV and the other one is Bella's POV.

The song is: Unholy Confessions- Avenged Sevenfold.

Please review.

Beth

xx


End file.
